Dear Dorothy,
I have been married for fifteen years to a highly successful company executive. We have three children; the oldest is 13.
After I got pregnant with our first baby, my husband and I decided that I quit my job. I was a highflying executive in an insurance company, but I didn’t mind this since it gave me the opportunity to devote my time to my home and family. I occupied myself in my spare time with charity work through the church we attend.
I thought that all was well with our relationship until I answered my husband’s phone call while he was sound asleep. Afterwards, he got a text message which I noticed was from my best friend and out of curiosity I read it. She was demanding to know when my husband will tell me that she was about to have a baby for him and when they would get married.
I was very shocked, hurt, angry and confused. I didn’t have the faintest idea that my husband was having an affair and worst of all with someone I regarded as my best friend. I love my husband so much and I am very confused. It’s been over ten days and I haven’t told him I read his text message. He hasn’t said anything about the affair either.
Dorothy, I want to confront him, but I don’t know how to deal with the situation. I have never considered a situation where I’ll be married to a polygamous man. My observation of such relationships is one that lacks a harmonious atmosphere and is fraught with rivalry and competition.
If I leave my husband because of his betrayal, I don’t know how I’ll cope with my three young children. If I stay in the marriage, I know it will never be the same again. When it comes to relationships, three is a crowd.
Dorothy, please advice me on how to deal with this matter.
My dear,
I often joke with my friends and tell them that they should be careful that their friends are not after their husbands, especially if the man is very successful and affluent.
My guess is that your so-called best friend deliberately targeted your husband and does not mind being a second wife.
Perhaps, the reason your husband hasn’t told you about the affair yet is that he doesn’t know how to deal with the situation.
But I’ll try to advise you like I’m in your shoes. What will I do?
- I’ll approach my husband calmly and tell him that I am aware of the predicament he is facing with my friend.
- I’ll tell him that I love him and that he and the children are my world.
- I’ll tell him that I am aware that my friend wants him to marry her but that if he takes such a step, it will destroy our closeness and complicate our relationship.
- I’ll encourage him to inform his lover that he is sorry to have had an affair with her. He’ll have to acknowledge the child as his and take responsibility, but marrying her is out of the question because he still loves his wife.
- If my husband is in agreement with my suggestion, I will urge him to make this clear to his lover.
- I will also take the steps to tell my so-called best friend that I am aware of her betrayal of our friendship and that my husband and I have made the decision to only take care of the child and not marry her.
Once this is done, I’ll start to work on rebuilding the trust between my husband and I. I know this wouldn’t be easy because getting over such betrayal is never an easy task.
Finally, I’ll ask that you find a way to get your career going again or start up your own business so that you can have some measure of financial independence and not be solely reliant on your husband for your finances. Good luck.