Dear Dorothy,
My boyfriend of three years has asked me to move in with him. He wants us to start living together, while we take time to plan our wedding. My problem is that even though this is the twenty-first century, and I am an educated and independent twenty eight year old woman, I still believe in tradition. I think he should make “an honest woman” of me by our going through with the traditional marriage rites before moving in together, and then have our white wedding anytime we so decide. I am uncomfortable with the idea of moving in with a man before any formal commitment. But my boyfriend says it will give us the chance to know if we are suited for marriage by having a “trial marriage” without any formal commitment, and if we find we are compatible go through with tying the knot, but if we are not compatible part ways without complications.
Dorothy, do you think I am right in the position I have taken?
My dear,
Trial marriages are not really the best way to go for women. If a man wants you to share his life, normal dating will reveal if you are compatible. Most dating couples soon get to know each other well enough to know if they have a future with each other. I am inclined to agree with you that you wait until after marriage to live with someone. However, some couples advocate living together before marriage in order to get to know what each person is truly like and the many issues that can emerge in the relationship when living together. I wouldn’t advice going for this as you are personally of the opinion that you should get married before living together. If you both cannot even make up your mind about how and when you want to marry each other while dating, I don’t think living together in a trial marriage will provide the answer.
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