My Dear,
Men have fragile egos. Most men are not comfortable around women who are more successful than them. Because of the general belief that the man is the head of the house or home, the society has conditioned them to think and believe that they are superior to women and they must measure up.
Currently, in Nigeria, a significant number of young women have obtained university degrees, improving their chances of gainful employment. Thanks to this progress, more women, like you, may earn more than their male counterparts or in this case, their partners; making them responsible for a large chunk of the family expenses.
This shift in responsibility has led to growing tension between couples that find themselves in such a situation.
A Harvard research study was conducted and authored by the sociology professor, Alexandra Killewald. the analysis which was done on over 6,300 couples has concluded that, despite the working status of the wife, if the husband is unemployed – or only works part-time, the marriage is more likely to end in divorce.
Other studies show that men who earn significantly less than their wives are more likely to cheat, do less housework, and need a prescription for erectile dysfunction.
Given the results of these findings, is it clearer why your man is sceptical about settling down?
He may feel intimidated and insecure because of your successful career and his inability to match or surpass it. It takes wisdom to make your man feel ‘manly’ when you are in control of the finances.
This said, sit down with him and have a heart to heart discussion. Make him understand that after nine years together, it is time for the next level. Assure him that your success is a joint one because marriage is a partnership where both partners look out for each other.
Moving forward, you both have to agree on how to fashion your relationship and the designated roles each of you have to play.
This is not a one-off conversation; it should be a continuous one aimed at aiding you to address misunderstandings that may arise subsequently. I hope he will see your point of view and proceeds with marriage plans.
Good luck.