Dear Dorothy,
I am 19, and about to make the biggest decision of my life. I’m six weeks pregnant and have to decide whether to terminate my pregnancy or have a baby. The only reason to terminate is that it would please my parents whom I have put through enough grief already. I have been a big disappointment to them throughout my teenage years as I have put them through a lot as a result of my bad behaviour over the years.
My parents are very loving towards us their children – there are three of us, a boy and two girls. I am the baby of the family and I have been forgiven umpteen times for my wrongdoings. Things are beginning to get back to normal since I gave them the bombshell of my pregnancy – it really was a rude shock to my parents and my siblings.
To proceed with the pregnancy would be the ultimate letdown to my parents and the family would be devastated once again. If I could, I would like to keep the baby but my parents think that if I keep the baby it will adversely affect the course of my life. They want me to complete my university education, get a job, get married and then start a family in that order.
Dorothy, the baby was not planned but I want to have it, and I am confident I can care for it. What do I do?
My Dear,
When a young unmarried girl gets pregnant, it always presents a big dilemma for both the girl concerned and her family. Although the stigma associated with having a child outside wedlock has reduced considerably, having a baby outside wedlock can indeed affect the course of your life. Whether adversely or positively is open to debate.
You say the baby was not planned but you want to have it, and are confident you can care for it. However, I do note that you make no mention of the father of your baby. Regardless, you really have to take time to reflect and weigh the consequences of being a single mother and work out how you intend to care for it, manage to get an education and order your future and that of your baby. It is not an easy task raising a baby alone, especially at such a young age, coupled with being a student.
Since you are bent on having the baby, try and have a chat with your parents and see if they can assist in taking care of the baby. This is so that they will be responsible for looking after the child, and you can complete your education and get a job. Be sincere in your appeal for their support and understanding with a resolve not to be a source of further concern to them. I trust that your parents will come around to your position and be happy at the prospect of a grandchild.
In addition, if the father of your baby is willing to assist you in taking care of the baby, please allow him to be the father that he is. It will also help you to manage the situation better.
All the best and good luck.