LAUGH QUOTE
“The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive.”
Coco Chanel
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Opportunity!
Don’t be silly – opportunity doesn’t knock twice!
GRAFFITI
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
WISE GUY’S ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
WISE GUY: You can’t tuna fish.
CLEAR COAST.
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”
NEW MODELS AIN’T CHEAP
Deji and Ifeoma decided to celebrate their 45thth-wedding anniversary with a trip to New York. Deji went to the front desk to check them in while Ifeoma sat some distance away with their luggage. As he was going to join his wife to go to their room, a young woman dressed provocatively approached him and introduced herself as Angel. Deji brushed her off. When Deji and Ifeoma got to their room, he told her that a prostitute had approached him. ”I don’t believe you,” laughed Ifeoma. ”I’ll prove it,” said Deji. He called down to the desk and asked for Angel to come to room 1004.
“Now,” he said, “You hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us.” Soon, there was a knock on the door. Angel walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. “So, I see you’re interested after all,” she said. Deji asked, “How much do you charge?” ”$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services.”
Deji feigned shock. “$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25.” Angel laughed. “You must really be a rookie at this game, if you think you can buy sex for that price.”
“Well,” said Deji, “I guess we can’t do business. Goodbye.” After she left, Ifeoma came out of the bathroom. “I just can’t believe it.” Deji said, “Let’s go have a drink at the bar downstairs and forget it.” Back downstairs at the bar, the old couple sipped their cocktails.
Angel came up behind Deji, pointed at Ifeoma, and said, “See what you get for $25!”
Funny court transcript
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?