By Charles O. Anyiam-Osigwe
Na wah O! I was moved to write this piece because I think it is high time we in Nigeria put a stop to this highly distracting ritual at public functions, or at worst reduce it to a bear minimum.
Before I get into the meat of the matter, I wanted to make a point by using a word for the title that I sometimes find hard to pronounce correctly – “Encomium”. I use this word because at most of these functions, the use of superfluous and bombastic words by the Masters of Ceremony are quite an earful. And, the word is “big grammar” – so, you know, to impress and call attention to the piece. However to avoid making a fool of myself by choosing a big word I did not know the meaning, I had to look it up in the dictionary. So for those of you reading this piece that do not know the meaning of “Encomium”, it means – “a speech or piece of writing that praises someone or something highly.”
Now this meaning brings me to one of the points of this article: Masters of Ceremonies are supposed to moderate functions and keep the show flowing. They are not there to make speeches. But what do we find in most cases, the MCs get carried away and make speeches. It will be all well and good if the speeches are meaningful or relevant or humorous or short and to the point. No, none of the above. They are more often than not tedious, time consuming exercises which have no bearing to the event itself that the are mastering.
Another Nigeria palaver at functions that I find improper is the “All protocols observed.” Or “I stand on existing protocols.” One of my late uncles, a consummate professional diplomat told me that it is either protocols are to be observed and therefore you go through it properly or you dispense of protocols. I do agree with him on this. We should not turn things on their head and invent our Naija way of doing it.
Another area of my gripe is the endless recognition given at ceremonies. Can anyone tell me why every Tom, Dick and Harry or Tunde, Dubem and Haruna that we think is anybody in society has to be recognized at a function by the Masters of Ceremony? Is this to inform the audience that the big wigs are in attendance? Is it to massage the egos of the so-called big wigs? I am really at a loss why we should make programs boring with endless recognitions. I have been in attendance at functions where the recognitions went on and on, and genuinely constituted a nuisance with respect to the program of the event. Can we please do away with this unnecessary, time wasting, program-disrupting recognition wahala? The proper thing to do at any function for those who do not know is to accord recognition to the principal participants and not every so called big man or woman in the audience.
So, distinguished ladies and gentlemen, my esteemed readers, in view of the fact that I value you all, I will dispense of all protocols, I will not thank each and every one of you individually, because truth be told I don’t know you, but I do sincerely thank each and everyone of you for taking the time to read this piece.