LAUGH QUOTE
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there!
Waiter!
Waiter who?
Waiter I get my hands on you!
HELP NEEDED
A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother-in-law?” He said, “Call for backup.”
NO HISTORIC INTEREST
“NOBODY ever died of work,” says the director, rebuking one of his lazy workers.
“I know,” says the worker, “but I don’t want to make history by becoming the first victim.”
AH HA!
Old man comes into a restaurant, sits at his usual table, and orders the usual — goat meat pepper soup.
The waiter sets it down in front of him, and stands back to watch him enjoy it. But the man just sits there.
“Is there something wrong?” the waiter asks.
“I can’t eat this soup,” the man replies.
“Is it too hot?” the waiter asks. “No.” “Too cold?” “No.” “Too salty?” “No.” “Too peppery?” “No.”
The waiter calls for the chef, and he goes through the same routine: “Too hot?” “Too cold?” “No, no, no, no.”
Finally the chef, at his wits end, says, “Sir, I will taste the soup myself. Where is the spoon?”
Says the old man: “A-ha!”
ALL IN THE NAME
Q: What animal always breaks the law?
A: A cheetah.
SECONDS TO GO
PATIENT: Doctor, Doctor I’m going to die in 59 seconds.
DOCTOR: Okay I’ll be with you in a minute.
NO CHANGE
Judge to defendant: “Have you anything to offer the court before sentence is passed on you?”
Defendant: “No, Your Honor. My lawyer took my last Kobo.”
SMART DOG
A man went to the movies and was surprised to find a woman with a Labrador retriever sitting in front of him. Even more amazing was the fact that the dog always laughed in the right places through the comedy.
“Excuse me,” the man said to the woman, “but I think it’s astounding that your dog enjoys the movie so much.”
“I’m surprised myself,” she replied. “He hated the book.”
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
Image Source: https://bmia.wordpress.com/