LAUGH QUOTE
A good boyfriend will never want to change anything about you… except your last name.
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: This is a party man, don’t you know how to have fun?
WISE GUY: Sure I do, when is the fun starting?
DATING JOKE
Two friends talking:
– Yesterday I split up with my girlfriend.
– What happened, you were doing so well together.
– We were taking a shower together and she said: Darling, let’s do something really bad
– So what?
– So I spilled shampoo to her eyes
BUSINESS JOKE
CUTTING COMMENT
“You have delighted us long enough.” -Jane Austen
MARRIED LIFE
As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, and has a potbelly …” She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”
Lemon Squeeze
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing N100,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice ” I’d like to try the bet”
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the £1000, and asked the little man “what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?”
The man replied “I work for the Inland Revenue”