“I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh.” – Maya Angelou
WAITING TIME.
“Waitress,” shouted the impatient diner, “do I have to sit here and starve all night?”
“No, sir, we close at nine o’clock.”
HEADY
1st Businessman: “Your secretary’s name is Jane, but you always call her “Anesthetic”, why?”
2nd Businessman: “She dulls my senses, that’s why”
WOULD YOU SAY that thieves who made away with one million-naira worth of vacuum cleaners made a clean get away?
THEN YOU MIGHT SAY that a man making a fortune selling brooms was having a clean sweep.
DID YOU READ about the unemployed idiot who on reading a police poster saying “MAN WANTED FOR RAPE” applied for the job?
FLY AWAY ‘PETER’
Man trying to chat up a cute girl at a party: ‘Hi honey. My name is Dejo and I do excellent bird impressions’.
Cute girl: O how nice! Now be a good bird and just fly away. Thanks’’.
BIT FOR BEAT
She: “Darling, do you love me with all your heart?’’
He: “Not quite dear. I need some of it to keep the blood circulating’’.
VALUE OF MONEY
Kid to his father: “Of course I know the value of one hundred naira that is why I asked you for five hundred naira”.
NO JOKES, MAN.
The fellow walked into a bar he had never been in before and ordered a drink. He then asked the bartender if he enjoyed dumb-jock jokes. The beefy attendant leaned over the bar and fixed a withering glare on his customer.
“Listen, buddy,” he growled. “See those two big guys on the left? They’re professional wrestlers. And that huge fellow on your right is a world-class boxer. That guy in the corner is a champion weight lifter. And I am a black belt in the martial arts.
“Now,” he continued, “are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your dumb-jock joke here?”
“Nah, guess not,” the man replied. “I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times.”
WHISTLE BLOWN
The Devil challenged St. Peter to a football game.
“How can you win?” St. Peter asked. “All the famous players are up here.”
“How can I lose?” retorted Satan. “All the referees are down here.”
STORY, STORY …
“Mommy,” the little girl asked, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’?”
“No, dear,” she replied. “Sometimes they start with ‘Honey, I’ll be working a little late at the office tonight.’ “
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