LAUGH QUOTE
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”– Ann Landers
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What are you doing about your weight?
WISE GUY: Dressing it in fabulous clothes and taking it out on the town
TEACHER AND STUDENT
One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
“May I speak to your parents?”
“They’re busy.”
“Oh. Is anybody else there?”
“The police.”
“Can I speak to them?”
“They’re busy.”
“Oh. Is anybody else there?”
“The firemen.”
“Can I speak to them?”
“They’re busy.”
“So let me get this straight — your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they’re all busy? What are they doing?”
“Looking for me.”
DATING JOKE
In the morning
She: Honey, would you like me to bring coffee to the bed?
He: No, darling, I will come to have breakfast with you.
She: Would you like to have scrambled eggs, my love?
He: Sure, kitty, two eggs, please.
She: Wait; you don’t remember my name either, do you?
| CORNY CHAT UP LINE |
| I’m sorry; I don’t think we’ve met. I wouldn’t forget a pretty face like that. |
CUTTING COMMENT
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.
MARRIED LIFE
No one is straight.
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”
The man says, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend.”
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong this time?”
The man says, “I found out that my son is gay.”
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, “Doesn’t anyone in your family like women?”
The man looks up and says, “Apparently my wife does.”
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