LAUGH QUOTE
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”– Bernard Baruch
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: Are you pregnant?
WISE GUY: Piece of advice – if you can’t see the baby’s head, don’t assume the woman is pregnant.
TEACHER AND STUDENT
Punctuation is important.
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
DATING JOKE
Settle for cash
He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: I would rather have the money.
CUTTING COMMENT
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
BUSINESS JOKE
Sole investor
A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker.
“I think this one will really move said the broker, it’s only $1 a share.”
“Buy me 1000 shares.” said the client.
The next day the stock was at $2.
The client called the broker and said, “You were right, give me 5000 more shares.”
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.
The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares said the client.”
“Great!” said the broker.
The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.
Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”
The broker said, “To whom? You were the only one buying that stock.”
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