LAUGH QUOTE: “They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.” – Clint Eastwood
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Justin
Justin who?
Justin time to share your dinner
Numbered Days
It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!
Spare no thought
“Doc, you’ve got to help me,” the patient pleaded with his physician. “I’m suffering from amnesia. What should I do?”
“Go home,” the doctor replied, “and forget about it.”
Oh dear!
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Wise Guy’s Answer To Stupid Question
QUESTION: Why don’t cars play football?
WISE GUY: Because they only have one boot
Life Is For Living
Do you think I’ll live another 50 years, Doc?” asked a patient.
“How old are you now?”
“Forty.”
“Do you drink, gamble or chase women?”
“No,” the man answered. “I don’t drink, I never gamble, and I detest women. In fact, I don’t have any vices at all.”
“Why then,” the doctor retorted, “do you want to live another 50 years?”
Playing Games
She interrupted kissing him when the phone rang, and once through with the call went back to the business at hand. “Who was it?” he asked.
“My husband,” she replied.
“I better be going,” he said. “Where was he?”
“Relax. He’s at the country club having a drink and watching soccer with you.”
Too Clever?
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”
Silent Wife
Man: I want to divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in 6 months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are very hard to find!
Mugs
“Read all about it!” yelled the young vendor, hawking his newspapers in the traffic jam. “Fourty people swindled! Fourty people swindled!”
A curious businessman bought a paper. “Hey,” he said, “there is nothing in here about 40 people being swindled.”
“Read all about it!” yelled the newsboy again. “Fourty-one people swindled!”
Funny court transcript
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and they are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Image source:msafropolitan.com