LAUGH QUOTE
Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils… – Louis Hector Berlioz
Knock! Knock!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
Your welcome!
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
WISE GUY: Because his class was so bright!
NO KIDDING!
A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.
Mom: “Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play.”
Son: “But mom, there’s no one to play with.”
Mom: “I’ll play with you, what do you want to play?”
Son: “Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed.”
The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad’s fishing hat and lit up one of his dad’s cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.
Mom: “Now what do I do?”
Son: “Get your big fat bum out of bed, you lazy woman, and fix that kid some ice cream!”
GALLANT FELLOW
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!” As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, “That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?” The guy catches his breath, then says, “Listen, I don’t want your money! And I don’t want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!”
BUSINESS JOKE
PLAYING HOUSE
Mr. Olumide and his secretary are on a train from Glasgow to London. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, I’m a little cold, could I borrow your blanket? The man says how would you like to be Mrs. Olumide for a while? The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed. Then he replies, “good, then you can get your own damn blanket.”
CUTTING COMMENT
“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” –
Ashleigh Brilliant
MARRIED LIFE
DO IT YOURSELF
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said, “I’ve got a better idea, let’s pretend we’re married.”
“Why not,” giggles the woman.
“Good,” he replies.
“Get your own blanket.”
Photo-Credit: freeyourmindandthink.com