LAUGH QUOTE
“Never trust a man with short legs. Brains too near the bottoms.” –Noel Coward
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Iran!
Iran who?
Iran over here to be on time!
WISE GUY’S ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
WISE GUY: Because: 7 8 9
TALKING CRAP.
One Sweet young thing sends the following text message to his boyfriend: “ My love, if you’re sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re smiling, send me your smile. If you’re crying, send me your tears . I love you.”
Boyfriend replies: I am in the toilet. What do I send?
FEAST OR FATE?
A new restaurant just opened called KARMA. There’s no menu, they just give you what you deserve.
ONE AND THE SAME
He was the happiest man at the wedding reception after drinking several glasses of champagne. He staggered up behind a woman, put his arm around her and said, “Let’s dance.”
When she turned around he said, “Excuse me, I thought you were my wife.”
“I feel sorry for her,” the woman replied. “You’re a poor excuse for a husband.”
“Gee,” said the man. “You even talk like she does.”
FUEL EFFICIENT
While driving in a rural farming community, a family caught up to a man riding on his donkey. The owner of the donkey obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the donkey was a hand printed sign… “Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust
TEACHER AND STUDENT
New teacher (trying to make use of her psychology courses): Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up.
After a few seconds, little Okon stood up.
TEACHER “Do you think you’re stupid, Okon?
SAM: No Ma’am, but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
GOING BY THE BOOKS
Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences. The first man said, “My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins.” “That’s funny,” the second man remarked, “My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets.” The third man shouted, “Oh my, I have to rush home!” When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, “When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!”
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.