LAUGH QUOTE
Men never grow up. They just get bigger!
REAL COURT RECORD
QUESTION: What happened then?
ANSWER: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
QUESTION: Did he kill you?
WISE GUY’S ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
WISE GUY: A Thesaurus.
WHAT TRIP?
A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”
CUTTING COMMENT
“Familiarity breeds contempt — and children.” – Mark Twain
CLOSE SHAVE
A man walks into a barber shop and says, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.”
The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.
The man says, “You and I should spend some time in a hotel room.”
She replies, “My husband wouldn’t like that.”
The man says, “Tell him you’re working overtime, and I’ll pay you the difference.”
She says, “You tell him.
He’s the one shaving you.”
HAND JOB
A man goes to see his doctor and asks him to prescribe the strongest dose of Viagra that was safe to use.
Doctor: Why do you need such a strong dose?
Man: I have a couple of young nymphomaniacs coming
over and need the Viagra to keep up with them.
Doctor: You randy bastard – Here’s the prescription.
A few days later the man returns to see the doctor.
Man: I need some strong pain reliever.
Doctor: Why do you need such a strong pain reliever, are you so sore down there! Wow! Must have been quite hectic.
Man: No, I need it for my wrists, the two girls never showed up.