LAUGH QUOTE
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. – Henry Youngman.
Knock! Knock!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle. Needle who?
Needle little money for the movies.
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: In which battle did Napoleon die?
WISE GUY: His last battle
TEACHER AND STUDENT
PRACTICAL LESSON
A Grade 1 teacher was reading the story of the Three little Pigs where the first pig was trying to get building material for his home.
“And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow fullof straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir but may I have some of that straw to build my house?” the story went.
“And what do you think the man said ?” the teacher asked her class.
One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said, ‘Goodness me! A talking pig! ’”
JUST POLITICS!
Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde, and a frightfully awful looking fat lady were in a train carriage. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton has a big red slap mark on his cheek. The blonde thought, ‘that rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face.’ The fat lady thought, ‘that dirty old Bill Clinton laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him.’ Bill Clinton thought, ‘George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.’ George Bush thought, ‘I hope there’s another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again.’
DATING JOKE
HAPPY MAN
Once upon a time, a boy loved a girl and proposed but the girl said “no”, and… and….. an ….. the boy lived happily after
BUSINESS JOKE
AH-HAH
Man at restaurant: Excuse me waiter, could you come here?
Waiter: Is everything okay?
Man: Everything is fine, but would you please try my soup?
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir, we really can’t do that.
Man: No I won’t say anything, please try my soup.
Waiter: Well, is there something wrong with the soup?
Man: No, but will you please try the soup?!
Waiter: Okay, okay… Where’s the spoon?
Man: Ah-hah.
CUTTING COMMENT
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
MARRIED LIFE
FIRST MAN: Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
SECOND MAN: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.