LAUGH QUOTE.
“Don’t worry about the world ending today – It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Steven Wright.
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don’t let me in!
OFF DAY
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
WISE GUY’S ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: Why is the tomato blushing?
WISE GUY: It saw the salad dressing
HEAR! HEAR!
Obi goes to see a pastor, seeking help.
“I need you to pray for my hearing,” he tells the preacher.
The preacher puts his fingers on Obi’s ears and prays. When he’s done, he asks, “How’s your hearing now?”
“I don’t know,” says Obi. “I don’t go to court till next Wednesday.”
INSTANT CURE
The doctor’s receptionist was startled when a nun stormed out of the examining room and left without paying. When the doctor appeared, she asked what had happened.
“Well,” said the doctor, “I examined her and told her she was pregnant.”
“Doctor!” exclaimed the receptionist. “That can’t be!”
“Of course not,” he replied. “But it sure cured her hiccups.”
HIGHEST BIDDER
During finals, test papers were being distributed to the class. After conferring with a nervous assistant, the professor spoke. “There’s a problem,” he said. “One of you has the answer script instead of the test.” Reaching into his billfold, he continued, “If you identify yourself, this ten thousand naira is yours.”
A young man raised his hand, and the professor walked toward him. “Wait a minute,” shouted another student. “I’ll give you fifty thousand.”
LOVE TO DRINK TOO
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says: Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to FUN NITE BEER PARLOUR and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her. Her actions are driving me crazy. What do I do?”
Doctor: “ Relax, take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me exactly where is Fun Nite Beer Parlour?”
LIGHT MY FIRE
A wife went on holiday leaving the husband behind. The husband got so hot one day that he decided to try the maid who had just come from a village in Abakiliki and quite good looking. He called the maid to his bedroom where he had taken off his pants, he pointed to his manhood when the maid arrived.
Husband: Do you know what this is?
Maid: (acting Shy) Yes
Husband: Do you know what it s for?
Maid: Yes
Husband: show me. And closes his eyes in anticipation.
The maid immediately lights up a candle and begins to roast the man’s what’s it.
Husband jumps out of bed screaming: “You want to set me on fire?”
Maid: No sir, where I come from we roast unripe bananas and plantains.
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
Image Source: flickr