LAUGH QUOTE
Marry an archaeologist – the older you get, the more interested he is in you. – Agatha Christie
Knock! Knock!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Noah. Noah who?
Noah good place we can get something to eat?
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: How can a man go eight days without sleeping? WISE GUY: No problem, he sleeps at night.
TEACHER AND STUDENT
CUBED
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Little Johnny: It’s H2O.
Teacher: Good! Can you tell me the chemical formula for ice?
Little Johnny: It’s H2O cubed.
DATING JOKE
NOT READY?
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up. She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV then her doorbell rang. There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, “I’m two hours late… and you’re still not ready!?”
BUSINESS JOKE
LIGHT UP
Two factory workers talking:
Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.” Man: “And how would you do that?” Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Boss comes in: “What are you doing?” Woman: “I’m a light bulb.” Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?” The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
MARRIED LIFE
BAD LUCK
A man had been slipping in and out of coma for several months, but his wife stayed at him every single day. One day he finally opened his eyes and said to his wife:
“You’ve been always with me through the bad times. When my business failed, you supported me. When I got fired, you were there. Also when I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost our house and my health started failing, you were still by my side. So you know what it means?”
“What, my darling” his wife asked, smiling bravely.
“I think you’re really bad luck,” the man said.
CUTTING COMMENT
Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week. – William Dean Howells
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.