LAUGH QUOTE
Three rules to live by:
1. Don’t shop when you are hungry.
2. Don’t date when you are horny.
3. Don’t update your status when you are drunk.
– Unknown author
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Iva who?
I’ve a sore hand from knocking!
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
WISE GUY: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
TEACHER AND STUDENT
TEACHER: Can someone tell me what an ‘operetta’ is?
STUDENT: Easy. It’s a woman who works for the phone company.
DATING JOKE
Good girls go to bed at 8 p.m., since they need to be home by 11 p.m.
MARRIED LIFE
A woman comes to a psychologist and asks:
– I have recently found out that my husband has a mistress. Should I tell him?
– No need to do that, – says the psychologist. – I bet he knows it.
CUTTING COMMENT
“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” – Muhammed Ali
BUSINESS JOKE
YOUR JOB DEPENDS ON IT.
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.
“What’s the matter?” grumbled the boss. “Haven’t you got a sense of humor?”
“I don’t have to laugh,” she replied. “I’m leaving Friday.”
HOSPITAL NEWS BRIEF
Quads were born. Doctors are fighting for father’s life.
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid