LAUGH QUOTE
It is never economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins. – Chinese Proverb.
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Yahoo
Yahoo who?
Yes, yahoo I want to see.
PUSHING IT
Advice to courting couples: “behave yourselves. If you can’t, be very careful. If you are not able to do so – buy a pram!
WISE GUY’S ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What is the most impressive example of Tolerance?
WISE GUY: Ah! Golden Wedding Anniversary!
LOOKS AIN’T ALL
Woman to man trying to chat her up at a dinner party: “You look like a very intelligent guy to me”
Man: “Oh… Thank you.”
Woman: “It’s really amazing how looks can be deceptive.”
LONG SENTENCE
Two women bumping into each other:
1st Woman: “Fancy bumping into you after all these years- it must be over 12 years since we last saw each other. So, what’s been happening to you?”
2nd Woman: “Well, I’ve just ended a ten year sentence.”
1st Woman: “I had no idea you went to jail.”
2nd Woman: “I didn’t – I had got divorced.”
EMPHATIC NO!
Question: “What is the safest method of contraception with no side effects?”
Answer: “Just say “no”.
NAME DOESN’T MATTER.
He: “Have you seen my new Toyota Cecilia?”
Him: “You mean Toyota Celica?”
He: “Don’t matter. You have the name, I have the car!”
ANY ORDER WILL DO.
Family engaged in some philosophical discourse:
Wife: “Which comes first – The chicken or the egg?”
Husband: “Quite frankly, I don’t really know”
Young son: “It doesn’t matter mommy, I’ll eat them in any order they come”
CAN’T CATCH ME.
A Police officer pulls over this guy and says, “Sir, I need you to breathe into this Breathalyzer for me.”
The man says, “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. You see, I’m asthmatic and if I blow too hard, I’ll have an asthma attack.”
“OK, then I’ll need you to come down to the station with me, and I’ll have to take some blood – just to make sure.”
“Sir, I can’t do that either. I’m a hemophiliac and if I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“OK, fine. Then I need a urine sample from you.”
“I can’t do that either, sir. I’m sorry, but I’m a diabetic and if I do that, my blood sugar will get really, really low.”
“OK, then why don’t you step out of the car and walk this white line for me,” the officer says.
“I can’t do that either, officer.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m colour blind”