LAUGH QUOTE
Never believe anything until it’s been officially denied. – Katharine Whiteborn.
Knock! Knock!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore is between us. Open up!
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
WISE GUY: A stick.
TEACHER AND STUDENT
INSPIRATIONAL OUTDOORS
Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”
DATING JOKE
LOOSER
A jealous guy caught his girlfriend talking quietly on the phone and immediately confronted her. “Who was that you were talking to?” he demanded. “Is there somebody else?”
“Of course not,” she groaned. “Do you honestly think I’d be going out with a loser like you if there was somebody else?
BUSINESS JOKE
NO SUPERMAN
A man on a business trip is staying in a high-rise hotel with a bar on the top floor. After checking in and seeing his room, he decides to go upstairs. There’s only one other patron in the bar. The businessman orders a drink and then watches in surprise as the other patron quickly eats an orange, chugs his beer and jumps out the window.
A minute later, the man returns. The businessman is shocked to see him again eat an orange, chug his beer and then jump out the window.
When the man returns a third time, the businessman decides he can do this, too. He eats an orange, chugs his beer, then jumps out the window to his death.
The bartender turns to the man and says, “You know, Superman, you are a real jerk when you’re drunk.”
MARRIED LIFE
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. At the end you wish you had a club and a spade.
CUTTING COMMENT
I have met some pricks in my time but you my dear fellow are a f***ing porcupine.
PAY TIME
Young man lamenting to friend: “I’ve always been a credit to my family, now my father wants me to pay my own bills”.
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.