LAUGH QUOTE
Evening news begins with “Good evening”, but then they tell you why it isn’t so.
Knock! Knock!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ketchup.
Ketchup who?
Ketchup with me and I’ll tell you!
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
WISE GUY: Because his class was so bright!
DATING JOKE
SAVED BY THE CALL.
“Bisi hello, listen I only have a minute. I’m about to get picked up for a blind date; can you call me in a half hour just in case it’s going bad?
Yes? Ok great! We’ll speak.”
Bimbo gave herself a quick spray of perfume, checked herself out one more time in the mirror, and headed outside to wait for the guy.
Sure enough after twenty minutes Bimbo was discreetly checking her watch. After ten more long minutes her phone finally buzzed. Bimbo listened for a few seconds, grimly pursed her lips, and turned to her date, “I feel terrible, but my Grandmother is terribly sick, and I must go home now.”
“No problem!” Said her date with a big grin, “in a few more minutes my visiting uncle was going to be running a sudden temperature!”
BUSINESS JOKE
HE KNEW
A fellow’s wife went missing and being that everyone knew that he and his wife were in a big fight he was accused of murdering her and disposing of the body. When witness after witness came to the stand testifying to all sorts of horrible threats that the accused threatened his wife and things were looking quite dim for the accused the man’s lawyer got up to the stand.
“Ladies and Gentleman of the jury I have something quite exciting to tell you, if you would all please direct your attention towards the door behind me on my left you will see the supposedly dead women walk in on her own two feet.”
There was a loud murmuring in the courtroom as all eyes turned towards the door.
“Ladies and Gentleman” said the lawyer after a few seconds of anxious waiting, “To be honest with you, Nobody is going to be walking through the door, however from the fact that your eyes all turned towards the door it is quite obvious that you are not sure beyond the shadow of a doubt about my client’s guilt.”
To the lawyer’s great surprise, the jury decided that the man was guilty.
“But how could you say that he is guilty? Didn’t I prove it to you?” Questioned the lawyer.
“It is true that we all turned towards the door,” one old lady explained, “but there was person who didn’t.”
“Whose that?” Questioned the indignant lawyer.
“Your client.” Came the reply.
CUTTING COMMENT
“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” – George Bernard Shaw
MARRIED LIFE
UNDER A SPELL
A man goes to see a wizard and says, “Can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?”
“Maybe,” says the wizard, “if you can remember the exact words of the curse?”
The man replies without hesitation “I pronounce you man and wife…”