LAUGH QUOTE
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes. – Frieda Norris.
Knock! Knock!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in it’s cold out here.
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What can you never eat for breakfast?
WISE GUY: Lunch and dinner
TEACHER AND STUDENT
HEART ATTACK
Teacher: “Here is a math problem. If your dad earned N100, 000.00 a month and he gave your mother half, what should he have?”
Student: “A heart attack.”
DATING JOKE
A girl rushed home to tell her mother: “I’ve found a man just like Dad!”
The mother replied: “What do you want from me? Sympathy?”
BUSINESS JOKE
THIS WILL KILL
A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license. They’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
MARRIED LIFE
Hollywood where marriage is easy come – easy go.
So in reality a Hollywood marriage is a great way to spend a weekend.
CUTTING COMMENT
Is your drama going to have a “commercial break” soon? I need to use the bathroom
FUNNY COURT TRANSCRIPT
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.