LAUGH QUOTE
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good to be in it but the longer you stay the more wrinkled you get.
Knock! Knock!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iona.
Iona who?
Iona new car!
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: Why was the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda not get hurt?
WISE GUY: He was lucky it was a soft drink.
TEACHER AND STUDENT
SPLIT SESSION
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
!!!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!
DATING JOKE
LOOSER
A jealous guy caught his girlfriend talking quietly on the phone and immediately confronted her.
“Who was that you were talking to?” he demanded. “Is there somebody else?”
“Of course not,” she groaned. “Do you honestly think I’d be going out with a loser like you if there was somebody else?”
TIMES TWO
A man was walking along the street when he noticed a bottle lying in the gutter. He picked up the bottle and decided to rub it for good luck. To his amazement, a genie appeared.
“I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie, “but I must warn you, there is a catch. For each wish I grant, every politician in the world will receive double what you ask for. Do you understand?”
“I think so,” said the man.
“Right,” said the genie. “What is your first wish?”
“My first wish,” replied the man, “is for a Rolls-Royce. I’ve always wanted a Rolls-Royce.”
“Then you shall have a Rolls-Royce,” answered the genie, “and all the politician in the world will be given two Rolls-Royces. Now what is your second wish?”
“I could use a million dollars,” said the man.
“Very well,” said the genie. “You shall have a million dollars. But you do realise that means that every politician in the world will become two million dollars richer?
Now what is your third wish?”
The man thought for a moment. “Well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.”
CUTTING COMMENT
“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” – George Bernard Shaw
MARRIED LIFE
SECOND OPINION
Wife to husband: Darling, doctor suggested me to go to Switzerland or Paris for relaxation, where shall we go?
Husband: Other doctor!
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