LAUGH QUOTE
Hard work pays only in the future, laziness pays off today!
DEFINITION
EDUCATION: What’s left when you’ve forgotten everything you ever learned.
TWO-HOUR DELAY
A few days after his birthday, a mother was busy in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell “All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving”. The mother went in and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house.” Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don’t want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today”.
“For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
WISE GUY’S ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
WISE GUY: Because he had no-body to go with.
BUSINESS JOKE
WIFE VERSUS MISTRESS
A doctor, a lawyer, and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says, “For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems.”
The doctor says, “It’s better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health.”
The manager says, “You’re both wrong. It’s best to have both so that when the wife thinks you’re with the mistress, and the mistress thinks you’re with your wife – you can go to the office and do some work.”
CUTTING COMMENT
“If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” – Groucho Marx
MARRIED LIFE
HAPPY HOUR
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t talk for an hour?” The hubby replied: “Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.”