Ring or Hang?

The Impact of an unhealthy Relationship

It’s surprising how a relationship gets toxic and the partners remain in it because they have become so emotionally attached and can’t see themselves leaving.

 

A few weeks ago, a distant friend of mine, broke up with her boyfriend, after dating him for 2 years. I was surprised because this was a relationship I had drooled over. I mean it was the kind of relationship that had you comparing and contrasting all the time. No exaggeration but the “relationship” was becoming a “mentorship” program for us the “mentees”. It was that good. Or so I thought.

 

When I probed further, she got really sad and made me understand how the relationship had become too toxic for her. How she had been psychologically, emotionally and sometimes physically abused. She had been pressured to do things she did not want to. How she had gotten so carried away by love and not realised she was lost. She had wanted to make him happy and how she had forgotten her happiness. I was shocked. No wonder they say, “Not all that glitters is gold”.

 Does this story somehow relate to you?

Maybe it was the other way round and as a male, you were the victim here. And now you can’t leave because you are blinded by your feelings and can’t see what’s in front of you.

 

HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE A AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

These are some of the signs you get in a toxic relationship.

 Physical, emotional or psychological Abuse

• Your partner makes you feel less of a person.
• The only way to resolve every argument is through violence
• He or she throws tantrums and destroys property in anger
• He or she never seems to let go of hurting you and after each apology, there is repetition.
• He or she finds it easy to cheat and blames it on your lag as a partner.
• Your partner ridicules you in front of his or her friends.

Does the above ring a bell?

Fear of your Partner

• You can’t make personal decisions on your own anymore at least not without his or her approval.
• You can’t speak in social gatherings except he gives a go ahead.
• You don’t have a mind of your own or an opinion in the relationship.
• You have become a robot whose control is with your partner

Do these sound familiar?

• Are you being bullied or Harassed? Maybe Physically or Emotionally?
• Have you’ve lost yourself because of that partner you love?
• Have you been bought over with so many gifts and lots of sweet words?
• Do you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and wonder what you’ve become, because of your relationship or what you are becoming?
• Do you think you can hang up because you love him/her?

Is that what you really want?

 

HOW DOES THIS AFFECT YOU?

Low self esteem

You loose sight of your worth and value and now you’re not good enough. You begin to stare at your self in the mirror everyday, questioning your abilities. You drop your shoulders and lower your head in the crowd. You don’t want to be seen as the Failure you’ve been painted as.

Fear

Abuses instill fear in victims. You begin to look over your shoulders, scared of what is coming next. You watch your conversations in public because you’re scared of what might happen if you don’t say the right thing. You no longer give opinions because you feel they are not good enough.

Relationship dysfunction

You no longer want a relationship because you are scared of repetition of your old relationship. And when you do, you build tall walls between you and your partner. You can no longer function well in a relationship due to your experience.

Depression

You overthink. You begin to cloud your mind with memories from your previous relationship. You are no longer yourself. Your personality changes. You loose interest in things you used to love and you shut people out of your life.

 

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

**Leave

Don’t wait till you get yourself hospitalized before you call it quite. Leave while you can.

**See a Therapist

After a toxic relationship, it is best you see a therapist. Don’t jump in another relationship trying to revenge by becoming a monster to your new partner. You now think it is okay to inflict what you felt in your previous relationship to your new partner. Don’t do that. Talk to people, get closure. Heal.

**Avoid Isolation

Locking yourself up or self Isolation is not a very good idea. Try as much as possible to talk about it. Speak to your loved ones. Speak to friends and family. Hang out, try to make yourself happy.

A bad relationship is not the end of the world.

Life is beautiful but it depends on your perspective.

Finally dearies, relationships are not a ‘do or die affair’. It should be a mutual union based on a mutual feeling. And when you find yourself in a toxic one, leave.

Let your Happiness come first.

 

 

 

Written by Jocelyn Ademola