In a healthy relationship, love, respect and mutual support should be at the core. However, sometimes one partner may begin to take more than they give, often without even realising it. If your connection with your significant other feels more transactional than emotional, it might be time for some honest self-reflection.
Here are some subtle and not-so-subtle signs that your partner might be ‘using’ you:
1. They only reach out when they need something
Is your partner calling or messaging you mainly when they need help, money, or a favour? If their communication centres more around their needs than shared connection, this could be a red flag. A relationship should not revolve around convenience.
2. They rarely show appreciation
When you consistently do things for your partner and they barely acknowledge it, resentment can build. When your partner takes your efforts for granted or treats your support as an obligation, it suggests that they might be using you rather than valuing you.
3. Your interests always come first
Relationships thrive on compromise. If a partner’s hobbies, career, plans or choices always take priority while you are expected to adjust or sacrifice, this imbalance points to self-interest over partnership.
4. Your partner is emotionally unavailable
Your partner leans on you when you are down, but withdraws when you need them. Your partner expects comfort and reassurance, yet they struggle to provide the same in return. This one-sided emotional dynamic is unfair and unsustainable.
5. Your partner treats you like a backup plan
If your partner only spends time with you when others are not available or treats you as a fallback option, it suggests they are not in the relationship for the right reasons. No one deserves to feel like a placeholder.
6. Your partner avoids commitment but enjoys the benefits
Your partner hesitates to define the relationship or fully commit, yet they enjoy the emotional and physical intimacy, gifts or financial support. This selective involvement can feel manipulative and hurtful to the other person.
7. You make promises you never intend to keep
Whether it is talk of the future, support in difficult times or gestures of affection, making empty promises to keep your partner close but they have no intention to follow through can be a form of emotional exploitation.
8. You feel entitled to their support
When your partner begins to feel like you owe their time, money or effort, without reciprocation, it signals a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Love is not a debt to be collected.
9. You guilt trip them into doing things
Using emotional pressure or guilt to get their way is a form of manipulation. If they often say things like “If you loved me, you would…” to get what they want, they are not being fair to you.
10. You would not be with them if they had less to offer
Ask your partner honestly: would they still be in this relationship if the benefits disappeared? If their answer is no, then their feelings may be tied more to what you provide than who you are.
Using someone, even unintentionally, can erode trust, love and emotional safety. If you recognise any of these signs in your behaviour, it is not too late to change. Have an open conversation with your partner, take accountability, and work towards a more balanced and genuine connection.
Love is about giving, not just receiving.