HOLY HUMOUR
HAVING A WIFE
At Sunday school they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?”
Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
MERE MORTAL
My husband and I divorced for religious reasons.
He thought he was God. I didn’t
WRONG SIDE
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, cans of stout and other beers, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in:
“Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be”.
The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side”.
THE SUNDAY JOKE
BETWEEN TWO THIEVES.
The old preacher was dying at home in his bed. He realized his time was short, so he sent for his doctor and his lawyer to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.
As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. For the longest time, no one said a word. Finally, the doctor spoke up and said, “Preacher, you’re not long for this old world, you’d better tell us why you asked us to come.”
The old preacher mustered up all his strength and in a strained voice said, “Well, Jesus died between two thieves…and that’s how I wanted to die.”