HOLY HUMOUR
PAVEMENT.
An angel visits a wealthy preacher, who has been faithful to God his whole life, one night. The angel says, “God sent me to let you know that you’re going to die in two days. But don’t worry, you are certainly welcome in heaven.”
The preacher says, “That’s great. But listen, I know God has this rule that we can’t take anything with us, but do you think he could bend it for me? I’d really like to take something with me.”
The angel says, “Well, I’ll ask, but I can’t promise anything.”
The next night, the angel returns and says, “God told me to tell you that he’ll allow you to bring a single suitcase, with whatever you want to bring along inside of it.”
The preacher is excited, but can’t decide what to bring. He thinks of bringing along all of his money, but he’s not sure what kind of currency they take in Heaven. He decides instead to trade all of his money in for gold, since gold is good anywhere. So he buys a whole bunch of bars of gold with all of his money, sticks it in the suitcase, and the next day he dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates with the suitcase by his side. Saint Peter stops him and says, “Sorry, but you can’t bring anything in here.”
The preacher says, “An angel told me that God said it was okay.”
Peter says, “Well, if it’s okay with God, then go ahead through. But out of curiosity, what do you have in there?”
The preacher lays down the suitcase and opens it up, showing Saint Peter all of the bars of gold.
Peter gives the preacher a funny look and says, “That’s what you brought? Pavement?”
HEDGING YOUR BET
A priest was preparing a man at the point of death. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”
The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”
The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”
THINK ABOUT IT
“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” – Charlie Chaplin
THE SUNDAY JOKE
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably
The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual…
Handle every Stressful situation like a dog.
If you can’t eat it or play with it,
Pee on it and walk away.