HOLY HUMOUR
PERCEPTIONS OF SHIT
Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it’s not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it’s the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you’re bad.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit.
Atheism: No shit.
Jehovah’s Witness: Knock, knock, shit happens.
Hedonism: There’s nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t. Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn’t bother me.
CRY BABY
Two young boys’ conversation:
TUNDE: “What makes the baby at your house cry so much, Ike?”
IKE: “If all your teeth were out, your hair off, and your legs so weak you couldn’t stand on them, I guess you’d feel like crying yourself.”
QUESTION OF FAITH
QUESTION: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window?
ANSWER: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
CORNY CHAT UP LINE
Can I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?
DID YOU HEAR
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up
THE SUNDAY JOKE
GRADED
Father Njoku dies due to old age. Upon entering St. Peter’s gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man, “What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?”. The man responds “My name is Bolaji and I was a Lagos Taxi driver for 20 years” “Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord.” St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks “What is your name and what did you accomplish?” He responds, “I’m Father Njoku, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord”. “Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter.” “Wait a minute,” says Njoku, “You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?” “Well,” St. Peter replied, “We work on a performance scale, you see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!”