HOLY HUMOUR.
SURE HOT DOWN HERE
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
THINK ABOUT IT.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party – Ron White
IF
If you come out of a shop and see a note on your car windscreen saying PARKING FINE, is it a compliment on your driving skill?
CORNY CHAT UP LINE
There must be something wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off you.
DID YOU HEAR
Did you hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? He is now a seasoned veteran.
SHARP KID
A Primary one teacher, Ms. Bamidale, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Oni, what’s your problem?”
Oni answered, “I’m too smart for primary one. My sister is in primary 3 and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the primary 3 too!”
Ms. Bamidale had had enough. She took Oni to the principal’s office.
While Oni waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Bamidale he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the primary 1 and behave. She agreed.
Oni was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3×3?”
Oni: “9″
Principal: “What is 6×6?”
Oni: “36″
And so it went with every question the principal thought a primary 3 should know. The principal looks at Ms. Bamidele and tells her, “I think Oni can go to the primary 3.”
Ms. Bamidele says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Oni both agreed.
Ms. Bamidale asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Oni after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms Bamidale: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Oni replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Bamidele: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Oni: “Pants.”
Ms. Bamidele: “What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Oni: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Bamidele: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Oni replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Bamidele: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Oni: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Bamidele: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Oni: “Fire truck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Oni in primary 5, I got the last seven questions wrong…”