HOLY HUMOUR
Candid Camera
The new minister’s wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood up and shouted: “Having children is an Act of God!” An older man in the back stood and shouted back “So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!”
Jesus walks towards the gates of Heaven, quietly whistling for himself. St. Peter raises his eyes from the books and shouts: “You! Hey, you! Where do you think you’re going?”
“Err … St. Peter? Don’t you recognize me? Why I’m Jesus! I’m on my way to see my father!”
“Jesus, Schmesus!” says St. Peter. “Come on, boy, surely you can come up with something better than that. How do you expect me to believe you are Jesus? Go away, you’re wasting my time”.
“But Peter! We’ve gone a long way together! It’s me, Jesus! You have to remember me!”
“You? Jesus? You make me laugh. Jesus – with that beard? And those dirty clothes? Hah. No way you’ll get past me pretending you’re Jesus”.
Depressed, Jesus turns around and begins to slowly walk away. After a couple of seconds, St. Peter says: “Hey, Jesus.”
“Yes?”
“Smile. You’re on Candid Camera!”
THE SUNDAY JOKE
Long Story Short.
After a worship service at Pentecostal Church in Lagos Nigeria, a mother with a fidgety six-year-old boy told and inquisitive pew neighbour how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, “If you don’t be quiet, Pastor Chris is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!’ It worked.”
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