HOLY HUMOUR
One for You, One for Me
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
“One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,” said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…”
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
“Come here quick,” said the boy, “you won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!”
The man said, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.” When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord…?”
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done…”
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Sunday Quote.
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. – Mark Twain
Religious Light Bulb Joke
How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a bulb?
No one knows. They can’t tell the difference between light and darkness.
SUNDAY JOKE
Unfaithful Wife
A couple whose marriage was on the rocks sought the advice of their pastor. The pastor encouraged them to patch up their quarrel and keep their vows, but the couple was adamant.
“Well,” said the pastor, “you know the consequences if you insist on a divorce. Remember this: you must divide your property equally.”
The wife flared up. “You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?”
“Yes,” said the pastor. “He gets $2,000. You get $2,000.”
“What about my furniture? I paid for that.”
“Same thing,” answered the pastor. “You split it equally.”
There was a challenging gleam in the wife’s eye. “What about our three children?”
The pastor was stumped at first but then quickly came up with a Solomonic solution. “Go back and live together until your fourth child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two.”
The wife shook her head. “No, I’m sure that wouldn’t work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn’t have the three I’ve got.”
Do you have a favourite joke? Please share it with our readers.
Send your jokes to editorial@pridemagazineng.com