The Single Guy Diary (Part Fourteen)

It’s 4.30PM and my day had just began. I shove the stack of magazine copies off my front seat and onto the floor, clearing off a space for my laptop before driving off from Ikeja Shopping Mall.

You know that “Oh my God, I finally got this deal” feeling? Mine was over the roof, that I forgot to pay my parking fare until I got to the exit. I had to turn back in. I couldn’t wait to start the project. Oh how I love to do what I do.

I adjusted my seat a little backward, gave my volume a boost and nodding my head simultaneously to the ‘Collabo’ beat while patiently waiting for the four cars ahead of me.

‘…na collabo…she want some collabo…tun don don…’ I sang along.

“The day is still young. Why not go see a movie?” An idea popped. Then I thought how lonely its always been in the movies; how everyone is with someone; cuddling, kissing, and touching while seeing the movie (yes, I see them).
I killed the idea faster than it came.

While still trying to get that idea off my head, a lady knocked at my glass and signaled I wind down. She and her friend suddenly bursted into some serious laughter, leaving me totally stunned.

“Duke Williams!…oh my God. Are you a comedian?” They said in some light tone. I still couldn’t get a life out of what they were saying. I quickly wind back up and zoomed off. But that was something, right? Seeing I’ve never been on TV or run a Vlog, you know.

On getting out of the Mall, I ran into the dreadful Lagos evening traffic. It was almost a dead traffic. Now I preferred I stayed back to see a movie at the mall.

And again, some ladies were waving through their window as though they just saw one funny celebrity, calling my name, just like the previous girls called it.

I couldn’t rap my head around this so I called Sophie.
“Please tell me exactly what happened last night.” I said in a rather authoritative tone. “People are calling my name on the streets, especially ladies and I simply don’t get it!” I continued.

“Wait! Are you serious?!”

“Nina joked about posting your video that she covered with her iPhone on her popular Facebook page yesterday, that it was really funny”

I stepped on my break as though I’d just been hit, repeatedly hitting my steering like I was going crazy.
“NO NO NO NO…” I screamed.

I later learnt the Facebook page was for ‘Lagos Tush Babes’, as they called it. Now, considering my fear for women isn’t completely over yet and the fact that I’m proudly introvert, that unusual publicity was uncalled for.

“She has to pull that post down before many other people see it”
“I have to get license for a tinted glass immediately”
“I will strangle Nina if I set my eyes on her”

All those thoughts ran through my head even before I saw the video in question.

I got home only to discover the story is already on Linda Ikeji, with the headline “Ladies, Come Meet a Guy Who Claims to Take You to The Moon More Than Once in Bed…LOL [VIDEO]”

I actually saw the video and…I never knew I could be that funny. Perhaps, I have something inside that alcohol brings out. #JustSaying

I quickly wrote to Linda Ikeji to pull it down while I prepare myself to handle the few hours fame that has brought.

But where do I start from?

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Photo-Credit: www.washingtonmonthly.com

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