Some people seem to have the impression that relationships and cheating go hand in hand like cake and icing. But is this the case? Or, should this be the case? A colleague of mine said to me once when we were debating this topic, she said “Cheating is never ok, period! There is no excuse; couples in a steady relationship should be faithful and loyal to each other.”
I’m prone to agree with her. I have examined myself personally and reflected on how I would react if I were cheated on by a partner that I love dearly. In my honest analysis, I concluded that I will feel betrayed and let down. I also realised that I will find it difficult to forgive a betrayal by someone I care so much about. This is not to say that those who find themselves in a similar situation shouldn’t try to salvage the relationship, but, personally, I’ll reconsider the relationship, especially when my trust is broken – relationships must be built on the foundation of mutual trust.
I consider my emotion as fragile; hence, a betrayal will create an emotional turmoil that’ll propel me to quit the relationship.
You may ask, “what if the person you are involved with is very sorry about their action, is full of remorse, and promises to never cheat again?” Well, everyone is wired differently and reacts to situations differently. In the situation described, some may choose to forgive on the basis of the remorse, regret and promise of a good behaviour from the cheating partner.
The truth about life is sometimes things happen, but if the cheating partner is truly sorry and you know their actions are out of character, you both can work things out.
However, let’s be clear, working through betrayal, pain and emotional distress that comes with infidelity is not an easy task. It is a hard and painful and battle – within and without. It will take the commitment from both partners to work things through. It is also important for both parties to be aware that the past can never be totally erased. But, if the relationship is still in its early stages when this happens, you should consider moving on. If your partner is cheating already when you haven’t been together long enough, what do you think will happen in the future?
The saying, ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater’ is very true. An ongoing pattern of infidelity indicates severe character flaws and unless these flaws are addressed and erased, the pattern will continue. Is that the type of relationship you really want?
When it comes to relationships and loyalty, it takes self-respect and maturity to remain loyal and faithful to the person you profess to love. As humans, we are prone to find others attractive and may even be tempted to act on these feelings. It’s not always easy to resist temptation, but this is where self-discipline and maturity come into play.
To sum up my position, relationships and cheating do not go hand in hand. Avoid a lifetime of hurt, anger and resentment if your partner is unfaithful to you. Like I said earlier, if I was the wronged partner, I’ll end the relationship. However, it is left for each individual to decide his or her own course of action.
Although, if the relationship is new it may be best to end things, on the other hand, if it’s an already established, long-term relationship it may be more difficult to deal with because when two people have been together for years with many ties, like children, finances, home etc, this complicates things. But you should ask yourself this: “Am I able to deal with the mental and emotional pain of the betrayal?” If the answer is ‘no’, then you have to walk away from the relationship for the sake of your physical, mental and emotional well-being. But if you can deal with it, then stay and work things out.
Article by Onyekachi Dike