In recent times, the topic of toxic masculinity has caused quite a number of controversies as regards how the male gender should ideally behave and conduct themselves. In different societies, the world over, there has been an increase in voices clamouring for change in societal behaviours with respect to gender equality and toxic male behaviour. Whether it is the far leftist feminist movement or the ‘me too’ movement which seeks to hold men accountable for sexual harassment in whatever form, these voices have gained traction.
The recent online hurrah – which has most men are at the forefront slinging enemy shots, was ignited by an ad released by Gillette, a multi-billion dollar razor company.
In the ad, a clear cut message of the dangers of toxic masculinity was highlighted – it’s nothing we don’t already know: bullying, sexual harassment, et cetera. However, the positive message received a barrage of backlash from the public, with threats to boycott Gillette. While some agree with the core message the ad tries to communicate, many others disagree with some parts of its delivery, claiming the ad is inspired by feminism and seeks to erode the very essence of what it means to be a masculine man.
Growing up as a male child in an orthodox society where there was a huge gap in public enlightenment as regards topics of this nature, my experience is one that’ll teach a valuable lesson especially as it affects our society in Nigeria today.
After I gained admission into secondary school, being just twelve years old at the time, my father who was a civil servant had a policy that all his sons must attend boarding school. His reason was to instil in us survival skills. Despite protests from my elder brother and I were shipped off to begin boarding school.
We were introduced to fellow senior students who were to be in charge of our orientation and welfare; they were called house captains or house prefects. Discipline was their core objective but in the process of its translation, human rights and decency were thrown out of the window.
There was a general code among students regarding hierarchy and respect which are politically correct terms for bullying.
The first time I got bullied and extorted by a senior was barely two weeks after I got into school. He wanted my blanket and they used every means to ensure they got it. Unfortunately the first time, I protested and my face was met with resounding slaps while my body was covered in kicks. I reported the incidence to my house prefect in tears and I was asked to toughen up.
Unfortunately, five years later, when I rose to the senior pedestal, the system had already created a monster in me and I had one goal: revenge. The cycle continued after I graduated, but the damage, like a stain, created a flaw in my character.
Most Nigerians who have been inculcated with such toxic behaviours today are leaders in their various fields, husbands, brothers, et cetera. (Go figure.) The toughness which my father innocently attempted to instil in me shared a border with authoritative violence – a character some men proudly possess.
This article was written by Emeke Onwunghai