I think social media feminist (or maybe women, like me, who have been wronged, one too many times) came up with the brilliant slogan: “Men are scum”. However, I’m torn between the need to stand in solidarity with my fellow scorned sisters or disapprove of the erroneous generalization just because I have a dad and brothers who aren’t scum.
But, this story isn’t about the reconciliation of my inner battles.
My name is Martha, and I think I may need to visit a voodoo relationship expert to rescue me from the quagmire of life-destroying Nigerian playboys.
Two years ago, I believed I had met my prince charming. Like Ying and Yang, Dayo’s unruffled nature was the perfect blend of my larger-than-life personality. The icing on the cake was his striking physical appearance that grabbed my attention. I had hit the dating jackpot (in my delusional mind).
I spent most days in our relationship reeling from my excitement while planning our future together because that’s what every 31-year-old unmarried desperate lady does, apparently. But, Dayo’s hunger for money and a better life outweighed his commitment to our relationship. 6 months into the relationship, Dayo called to give me shocking news.
“Hey babe, what’s up?” I greeted him as usual.
After our mindless chatter, he drops the unexpected news.
“So, I called to tell you that I’m getting married.”
I heard him; I knew what he said, but… how?
“I’ve gotten an opportunity to travel to the US and I need to get married for that to happen” He continued. “I didn’t want this to happen this way, but you know I have to leave this country, Martha. I can’t continue like this. And I’m sorry if I wasted your time.”
Before I could gather my thoughts to give a befitting reply, he hung up.
Age wasn’t entirely on my side and I didn’t have the time to sulk and feel sorry for myself, instead I channelled the negative energy towards my work and building my capacity and on the other hand, I was open to meeting new people. Last year, I met someone online: Korede.
I had seen dating-turned-married relationships that were formed and groomed in the DM. A young man slides into the DM of a beautiful young lady and says hi; she replies with a ‘hello’ and ‘yes I do’ – it’s the perfect love story. And, that’s why when Korede slid into my DM, I was ready to be his MRS.
He was opinionated and strong-willed, clashing with my stubborn nature. But, he was also very caring and lavish – two words every woman loves to hear. Still, I admit, I was carried away by the gifts and regular bank alerts because no man had ever treated me that way and that’s why I was blinded to the glaring fact.
Korede was living in Ondo State, while I was based in Lagos. Although we lived in different cities, it was strange that he was never eager to see me. I made several attempts to travel over for the weekend, but he always turned it down, stating his busy schedule as the culprit. I believed him.
4 months into the relationship I started to get suspicious. Things became clearer when my best friend, Ada, laid out the facts for me.
“Martha, I don’t trust this man,” Ada said with her worried look that I was already accustomed to. “How can a 42-year-old man claim to have never been married even though most men his age are either married or divorced? Na lie babe, I don’t believe him.”
Ada’s words pierced through the scales covering my heart and caused me to mount more pressure to see him. Eventually, he succumbed to my demands.
5 months into our relationship Korede finally came to Lagos to see me and I was determined to find out the truth – was he married or not?
To be continued next week…