By Mimi Adebayo
Lisa told Jake a few lies when they first got to know each other and since then she doesn’t seem to trust Jake completely because she feels if she can lie to him then perhaps he has been lying to her too. She wants to tell him the truth now but she can’t seem to find the right opportunity, she’s afraid he would leave her if he knows the truth. Lisa is having a dilemma. What should she do?
I once asked someone what the greatest sin in a relationship is, and her reply was ‘infidelity’; I spoke to someone else and he promptly said ‘lies’.
I readily agreed with him. Why? Because where there are lies, there cannot be trust and that is a terrible thing because trust is the foundation of every solid relationship.
So, I read somewhere that lies are relative and there are two kinds of lies;
- Lies about opinion- white lies
- Lies about facts.
Here’s an example;
Your partner asks if she looks good, or if her meal tastes nice; she doesn’t need to hear a brutal no. Sometimes what he/she wants is your validation and that encouragement. I am of the opinion that not all lies are negative and sometimes what we call lies, are in fact not really lies. We might fiddle with the truth a little but that doesn’t make what we say a lie.
Another example is when you tell your partners facts about you that are virtually untrue. You say those things to make him/her love you. You lie blatantly about where you’ve been or where you’re going to be; especially when your partner is nit-picking about such things.
Some people start a relationship with someone by telling falsehoods; claiming to be what they’re not just because they seek the approval of the other person. More often than not, that plan backfires and they’re afraid to come out with the truth later.
Nobody likes to be lied to and for most people, lying is the root of all evil. Looking closely, we’d see that lying is linked to infidelity. A person can’t be cheating without lying about it and most times it isn’t the cheating that hurts, it’s the lies that go with it.
For every relationship to thrive there has to be a level of trust in it. Your partner should be able to trust that you’re being truthful to him or her. It is usually better to be upfront with a potential partner about your past so that you don’t dig a hole for yourself by presenting a perfect picture which would eventually fall like a pack of cards.
The truth might be awkward initially but eventually all it does is liberate you and maybe leave a sour taste in your mouth. No relationship should be started with lies because it will not last; someday, the truth will catch up with you.
However; while telling the truth, it should be done ‘in’ love. Brutal honesty or saying-things-as—you-see-it often doesn’t help, loving honesty does.
Your partner deserves to know the truth because one lie often leads to another and another and soon a web of lies have formed which you cannot get away from.
To you, what’s the greatest sin in a relationship; infidelity or lies?