by Ayotola Tehingbola
Relationships can be hard. Really hard. Even the sweetest relationships can come with some sour attributes that turn them to ‘bitterleaf’ juice. We give up dreams and expectations and keep giving, sometimes without getting back in return. And sometimes when we should be on our way out of the door, we make a million and one excuses to stay because we simply cannot deal with the turmoil, hurt and disappointment that comes with getting out of a relationship. It is however important that we realise that our mental, emotional, financial and even physical health is at stake when we stay. But how do you know you’ve arrived at the end of the rope? When is the time to draw a firm line? Here are a few things to watch out for:
• ABUSE
Abuse isn’t always physical; it can be verbal or emotional or sexual abuse, all of which are damaging. Women are most times on the receiving side under this umbrella. If you are experiencing this, PLEASE RUN. If he uses his strength to hurt, his words to control, his actions or, lack of it, to demean and sees sex as a right he can explore without your consent. Get out. Nobody is perfect, but if his actions and apologies have become a never-ending cycle, it is time to leave.
• CHEATING
You’d be surprised how many people stay in relationships that lack faithfulness and trust. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Women make the mistake of thinking a man will stop cheating when he gets married. I’ve always wondered why a piece of paper, albeit legally binding, would stop a person from cheating. The fact of the matter is you can’t change a person. That’s fallacious thinking and you deserve better. You don’t want to continue a relationship with someone laced with unfaithfulness unless you’re willing to deal with the heavy consequences.
• SEX
A relationship based on sexual gratification is a time bomb waiting to explode. There are relationships that are just about sex, sex and more sex. The thing is there will be no thrill to it after you get married; if you get married. Sex doesn’t pay the bills, it doesn’t raise the kids, nor does it deal with the in-laws. Make-up sex after every fight may sound nice but it doesn’t last long. What happens when the woman is pregnant and there’s a sex embargo for the safety of the baby? What happens if someone goes on a business trip? Sex covers a multitude of flaws. It acts a filter when dating thereby clouding the relationship and shutting down communication.What’s bad about good sex is that too often people stay in a dead-end relationship because the sex is so hard to give up. If you find yourself in a relationship where the sex is great, make sure to ask yourself if you’re happy overall in the relationship. There’s usually little or no emotional intimacy in this kind of relationship. Staying just for sex is a version of settling.
• IMMATURITY
Women usually don’t take note of this one until the fruit is ripe and that’s always after marriage: irresponsibility and immaturity. I’m not talking of usual tardiness or occasional disorganisation. Does he lack goals, direction, and purpose for life? Is he indecisive about many things? Is he often late for important engagements? Does he have difficulty keeping a job for a reasonable length of time? Does he have careless spending habits? Does he often borrow money, sometimes from you? If he’s generally unreliable, unmotivated and unsure of himself, you’re flirting with trouble. Don’t stay wrapped up in a relationship with someone who has no intention of ‘finding himself.’
Let’s stop and think about why we often ignore these neon signs. Women accept certain behavior because it is familiar to them. Especially in this part of the world, where tradition is still prevalent, women find excuses for men because they’ve seen it before in their families or friendships. Africa Magic has deluded some into thinking that men are a certain way and such behavior is acceptable. Some people feel they don’t deserve better or what they have is better than nothing. Fear of being alone, of hurt, of the unknown has stood against the better judgment of some.
You pull out a decaying tooth if no amount of filling and maintenance can help it. You risk the possibility of sinking into an abusive, unhealthy and destructive relationship. You’re at greater risk of entering an unhappy marriage. Your self-esteem will be damaged in a relationship void of mutual respect and you give away the possibility of finding a fulfilling relationship.
Run if you need to! Save you today!
Do you agree with Ayotola? Or is Omena on the right track? Let us know in the comments!
Image:Madamenoire.com