She thought hard all week when it will be the right time to approach Ugo, knowing how temperamental he can get, she needed to have a strategy, its important to choose her words carefully to make sure it made the right impact.
The mood was right for Ego to tell her man Ugo, how much she loves him but would appreciate it more if he would speak kindly and softly to her rather than always scold her like a baby when there is an issue to discuss.
Just as she anticipated, it was best to approach when Ugo is home from a good business deal, nothing can spoil that mood. It worked. With wrapped attention, Ugo listened and in agreement swept her into his arms and whispered a soft apology sealed with a kiss. That defiantly would be Emotional Intelligence from Ego.
In human psychology it is crucial that one must learn and master the act of framing words and reactions to suit the mental well-being of a person close or a group of people when dealing with them at both personnel and professional level. The mood must be right; the timing is key to aid a smooth execution of intent and purpose.
Even though the act of emotional intelligence have been practiced for years, seems like a hand down from generation to generation, an inherent tact on how to manage human behavior in ways to either create joy and avoid conflict, an out burst of some sort that could be very damaging to the mind and body.
We all are emotionally intelligent in ways that some times it is morally questionable. Familiar with the phrase “white lie” or “some truths are not necessary” if its of a greater benefit to a fragile mind or an exhausted and anxious lover.
The purpose is often, engineered towards conflict resolution and peacekeeping. It sounds like being at war right? I know. We are constantly at war with doing what seems right such that if it will cause more harm than good, we do otherwise for a positive outcome.
In recent times emotional intelligence has been on the front burner of mental well being, to be applied in everyday life situation to bring decorum and stability.
The ability to walk through a situation that is very fragile and dicey without any showdown often portrays you as more emotional intelligent fellow even though deep down you know that is not the case because you are as vulnerable as the next person, you are also capable of loosing your cool but it is at the point of dropping those haughty shoulders that give you the edge over the next individual, the moment you choose to be the listening one, the calm mature person, it changes the entire dynamics of the moment.
My take. .
I believe that the diplomacy we display each time a situation arises with a lover who is overly obsessed and extremely jealous that a simple hello to another is read as unfaithfulness and cheating thus sowing a seed of mistrust. It erodes the joy of the relationship. So often times the relationship is hinged on the one who can better manage and navigate it towards a peaceful state, bearing all in good faith. So it is fair to say one party must be highly emotionally intelligent to achieve such.
The management of an over bearing boss who sees nothing good in your deliverables no matter how on point and timely you are. In this case you may be dealing with an incompetent fellow who barely understands the job but rather than humbly acknowledge that, the “I am the boss” factor shows up, all manner of tact is applied here in dealing with from intimidation to making very ridiculous demands (sexual harassments not ruled out) to make your life almost unbearable as they are wrapped in this poisonous envy of your poise and competence. Every effort is made to put a dent on you and lead others to actually question your character…again you become the emotional intelligent person by bearing all in silence and managing every situation nicely. Displaying the highest level of maturity by keeping it all professional and never going personnel.
At home a shallow minded husband or wife whom nothing is good enough, communication is zero, every action is weighed and well thought out before any approach. Here the spontaneity of love, of feelings are completely lost, white lies rule just so that there will be peace and often a times the mind cracks as it can no longer bear the burden of false hood, it becomes a question of live and let’s live! Something sweet and warm becomes so acidic that even the children are dragged into it. This part is actually the hardest of them all. A once happy home becomes a battleground and often couples turn to third parties to get some validation and relief. So a child who thinks the world is his way or no way! Emerges from such a situation, here again Emotional management skills comes in, you must as a matter of urgency know the right approach for this situation.
The choice to bring out the best in this child while shielding the minor from the adult shenanigans becomes priority, overriding egos. Here I believe Emotional compromise should come to play a role for all those involved. A deliberate well thought out plan must be applied, so now ‘Emotional intelligently’ (For lack of a better expression to drive home my point) there is a recognition that there are other people involved and more at stake.
These are real life scenarios and a lot of thinking and deliberate actions can determine whatever the out come will be. I urge you to figure out for yourself what best approach works for you in dealing with situations, which call for you to have recourse to your emotional intelligence.
Let me conclude by quoting my cousin Uju Onwuka” YOU KNOW YOUR ACTION, BUT THE REACTION TO YOUR ACTION YOU DON’T KNOW”.
Till I write again, I love you for reading. Stay Emotionally Intelligent.
Ada.
Adaobi O. Alex-Oni is an Honorary Ambassador and a recipient of the Nelson Mandela Leadership Award by the African Youth Parliament. A broadcaster and writer, she is the convener of the ROWEAD conference. A social and women’s rights activist, she is a promoter of the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals. For more information, visit her website http://www.rowead.org