I was in a company of people recently and we exchanged views on controversial topics one of which touched on infidelity. One of the men was of the opinion that men cheat routinely. It is his belief that men are biologically wired to cheat. He said: “Truth is many of my married friends have girlfriends (or side chicks as they are called these days). But this doesn’t mean that they do not love their wives, it just that they are animalistic. Most of us will stray and it will be naive for women to expect otherwise, or be so shocked by it.”
Surprisingly, a good number of women nodded in agreement, adding that it’ll be foolish for a woman to believe her husband can be faithful. According to them, no man, not even men of faith, are immune. They further grounded their opinion by saying men are configured to respond to stimuli, hence their philandering nature.
“My father also drummed it into the ears of my sisters and I. He advised us to ignore what our husbands did with other women outside our homes to avoid heartache.” One of the ladies opined.
But are men naturally inclined towards polygamy?
In 2017, psychiatrist Dr. Joseph Bray was sued by a female patient who he told, “To expect fidelity in marriage is an unreasonable expectation” as a response to her husband’s infidelity. Dr Bray was suspended for 12 months by the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service in Manchester for his comments after he pleaded to be allowed to “retire with dignity”. The psychiatrist was found to have overstepped a professional line by bringing his personal opinions into a client’s therapy.
Though he was sanctioned, the big question remains: is there any element of truth in his assertion? It may seem that modern research backs this claim. Alfred Kinsey’s 1948 and 1953 sex studies found that 50 per cent of US men sought sex outside of marriage at some point. This figure has more or less stayed the same over the years.
Be that as it may, the issue of infidelity in any relationship is a serious matter for the parties concerned. The results of infidelity are grave. When a spouse is betrayed in a relationship so many issues arise. Trust, which is an essential ingredient in any relationship, is lost and the foundation of the marriage is shaken to its core.
If we choose to subscribe to the belief that men cheat in relationships, isn’t it ironical that when the tables are flipped, most men, faced with a cheating wife, are less forgiving of their spouse?