Dear Dorothy,
I am a 45-years-old single lady, a lawyer by profession with a successful career. I still hope to find the right man, get married, and settle down.
I was in a long-term relationship with a man for about eight years in my early thirties.
I kept hoping he will pop the question after about three years into the relationship but it never happened as one year turned into another with me hoping that we will soon be hitched with each passing month. You can imagine my shock when a friend sent me some images of my man’s marriage to another woman. It took me several months to get over the shock.
Since then, I have had other relationships, which did not last.
Somehow the men and I just parted ways before any of the relationships could develop into a meaningful one.
My past experiences have taught me not to trust any man or even rely on them because they will always disappoint.
My family is not making things easy, they are always pestering me to settle down and get married to someone. I have told them that I just don’t want to marry just anybody; and that at my age; I want to marry the right person for the right reason and not just marriage for marriage’s sake.
The problem now is that my ex (the one who married another woman without my knowledge) has been pestering me to come back to him. He claims not to be happy in his marriage. He wants us to pick up our relationship from where we left off.
I am considering him right now because age is not on my side. What should I do? Please advise.
My Dear,
Your statement that “I want to marry the right person for the right reason and not just marriage for marriage sake” heartens me.
Believe me when I say that being single is far better than being in a bad marriage. You deserve the best so don’t settle for less.
I don’t think your ex is the best or right person for you.
I will advise that you do not consider getting back together with him because he proved to be such a cad so much so that you found out he was cheating on you via wedding photos sent to you by a friend. Remember he is a married man. He chose the other lady while he was with you. Don’t ever forget that.
I think that your relationship with him had the effect of affecting your subsequent relationships such that you have found it difficult to relate to men. You will need to change your mindset about men if you want to meet and sustain a good relationship.
Anyone can develop trust issues, which it appears you have now. You have to be careful not to judge all, present and future relationships, based on a terrible experience; as oftentimes, it can ruin a relationship.
Try to get some counseling to get over these trust issues so that you can be free to engage in relationships without the baggage of the disappointment you experienced with the eight-year relationship.
I am certain that with a new attitude and an open mind you are likely to meet a man who will love you and be loyal to you and who you love in return leading to a happy and fulfilling marriage.
Good luck.