Dear Dorothy,
I have been dating a man for the past two years. I am quite fond of him and if I am, to be honest with myself, I am very much in love with him. However, I am not sure that he feels the same way about me.
He seems uninterested to know if there are other men in my life. I think I’ll feel more secure about his feelings if he exhibits some element of possessiveness and jealousy, just to show that he loves me. I have tried to provoke him a few times by flirting with other men when we attend parties but he always acts unbothered.
I am right in feeling the way I do?
My Dear,
Sometimes, relationships and the whole love thing makes people act irrationally. What one person may consider irrational, another may consider normal. This is a matter of perspective and opinion, depending on who is observing and which role one plays in the relationship.
It is not strange that someone may find herself/himself wanting to see his or her partner act in a certain way that assures them that they do care for them and that they are their one and only. Exhibiting signs of jealousy and possessiveness may be some of the ways they seek such assurance.
I don’t think I fully understand what drives you, but on some levels, I can relate to it. Personally, I do not think that seeking assurances this way is the right way to go. We should not set about taking actions to provoke our partner to be jealous. This strategy might backfire because instead of feeling jealous he may misinterpret it to mean you are uncaring about his feelings which might lead to a breakup of the relationship.
I would also be very wary of any man who is very jealous and possessive because such men are usually controlling in an unhealthy way.
I’ll advise you to look for other signs that your man loves you by the way he respects you, treats you, and cares for you and not in whether he exhibits traits of jealousy or possessiveness when you “flirt mildly to provoke him.” Flirting with other men in his presence for whatever reason is, in my opinion, playing dirty and you won’t like how it turns out.