Dear Dorothy,
We are already in the 2nd half of the year and I’m not married talk less of being in a relationship. I am a 30 years old working-class lady. By all standards, I know I am attractive and the kind of woman any man would like. However, I have not had any man approach me in a long while.
The pressure to get married is draining. Most of my girlfriends are already married with children. This has affected our relationship and we don’t bond as before. I am already feeling like an outcast. Is something wrong with me?
I know that marriage is not for everybody but that is not my case. I believe in love but no suitor year in, year out is making me feel that is my gate. Should I just give up on myself and allow what will be to be?
Yours sincerely,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
There is nothing wrong with you or being single at 30. People have different timelines so don’t use their own to measure yours. You need to tread softly on the marriage matter. It is the pressure and rush that made people marry the wrong partners and live in misery. Some people who can’t have any of the pain, divorce within a few years of marriage. This is not to say there are no good marriages. However, the bad ones are prominent because they were based on the wrong foundations and premises. It is better to be single and happy than to be married and sad. Marriage is for life, you don’t want to do life with someone who doesn’t share your values or kills your dreams. Still tread softly while you wait for your own time. I know waiting can be hard but you have to wait. Most good things take time.
To the issue of being found, you may need to have a self-assessment. What are you doing wrong that is repelling men? Don’t act desperately. Men can sense a desperate woman. This is a major turn-off, only the ones that want to ‘hit and run’ would take advantage.
You need to change your ideology on singleness. It is not a disease. Appreciate it as a part of life. Use the period to work on yourself, not just physical appearance but build your mind.
With the movement restrictions this year and remote working, there may have been few chances to meet people and mingle. You may want to explore how you can go out often. Join groups and associations where you get to meet new people. Be open minded, you don’t have to only talk to your ‘spec’.
Just enjoy life. Don’t carry on with the mindset of ‘I must marry’. Take life one day at a time. Be happy, yours will come.
Yours truly,
Dorothy