Dear Dorothy,
I am a lawyer by profession, in my mid-twenties, and have been dating this man for five years and in my mind we were happy together and I was looking forward to our tying the knot. You can imagine my surprise and disappointment when he left me without any notice and married someone else who I later discovered he had been dating behind my back for about eighteen months. You can imagine how badly I feel after this breakup. I feel very sad about this; I feel depressed about being used, deceived and dumped. I am very bitter towards him. I know I am in a bad place in my emotional and mental health. Please what should I do to get my emotional and mental balance back and recover from this very bad relationship?
Please advise.
My dear,
Life is full of the good, the bad and the ugly. Life is also full of ups and downs with risks and no guarantees.
You have to learn to deal with what life throws at you (both good and bad) and gain strength and confidence through experience. You are young and chances are that you may have to go through a few failed relationships; learn to survive them before you meet your right partner. So pull yourself together and build on developing tolerance, perseverance, resilience and discernment. Take steps to love yourself in the understanding that you are unique. You have got to know who you are, and like who you are. Understand and realize that life gets tough sometimes. Overcoming challenges is survival.
You are smart and accomplished. Even if you have had failed relationships, focus on how you recover from these relationships and how you feel about yourself. Low self-esteem will make you needy and insecure. You’ll fall apart too easily when things don’t quite go your way. You have got to be strong to withstand rejection and betrayal. Be independent. Bounce back!
Love yourself first. Realize your own power and strength. Stop being ruled by your insecurities. Take charge over your emotions. Self-worth comes from within. You’ve got to be a good strong woman to deserve a good strong man.
Getting over a breakup is a difficult emotional process. You fight your way through to recovery. You will develop strength and resilience by doing so. Work on your self-esteem and self-confidence. Men cannot give that to you. Nor can they take it away; it is something you call up from within you.
You have your life ahead of you so do what is necessary to pull yourself out of the state you are in and get on with your life. The cheating, lying and deceitful man does not deserve you.