Dear Dorothy,
My partner and I are both really stubborn. We love each other deeply, but both have a problem backing down. From delegating household chores to deciding where to go on holiday, we both dig our heels in all the time. At the moment, we’re in conflict over her mother, who needs to go into a care home. We can’t agree on where she should go or what should happen to her current home. It’s the biggest challenge our five-year relationship has faced and I worry it could break us. She accuses me of being proud, while I know she’s impractical and unrealistic. What if there’s no coming back from this?
Yours Sincerely,
Victor
Dear Victor,
Mature relationships are all about give and take. There are no winners and losers – you have to act like equal, respectful partners. Always needing to be right is unattractive and immature. Of course, you’re an individual and you’re entitled to your opinion. But I think in this instance, where your latest conflict concerns your partner’s own mother, you need to take a back seat and support rather than agitate.
This must be an incredibly stressful time for your partner, so endeavour to see things from her point of view. Vow to listen, bite your tongue and compromise. I doubt if there is a perfect solution to this (or any other problem), but you’ll achieve a lot more through teamwork and cooperation.
Yours Truly,
Dorothy