Dear Dorothy,
I’m heartbroken and confused. My wife and I have been married for 18 years and we have three kids. Last week while my wife was away visiting her parents, I stumbled on her private journal, which she has kept over the years. I have never bothered to know what she writes in her journal but that day, curiosity got the better of me and I sat down to flick through it.
I wish I had not. In one of her entries, she said she missed not marrying her first love, the man she lost her virginity to. She was quite expressive as to how he made her feel in bed and how he was better endowed than me.
I was totally distraught and near tears.
I could not drop the journal, and continued to read, in another part, she went on to write about the other men she’d slept with who were all bigger than me.
I was devastated because she told me she’d only slept with one other man before me. At this point, I had to drop the journal because my life had just turned upside down.
My wife doesn’t know I have read parts of her journal even though she senses that all is not well with our relationship.
Dorothy, I find myself dwelling and reflecting on what I had read in her journal, I am not eating well, I am restless and don’t get much sleep.
How can I handle this?
Please advice.
My Dear,
First of all, you have to tell her that you stumbled on her journal and read parts of it and what you read has hurt you, and you don’t know how to deal with it.
Be that as it may, the fact is that your marriage has lasted 18 years must count for something. If these other guys were so wonderful, why did she choose you and stay with you for all this time? They are her exes for a reason.
Her reasons for writing her intimate relationships in her journal is her private concern, you should not have let your curiosity get the better of you when you stumbled on her journal. Now you are paying the price.
You can’t move forward unless you both sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk about it. She needs to know how to hurt you are and you need to give her the chance to explain her reasons for her journal entries.
No doubt, what you read will obviously affect your confidence in bed and if you feel you can’t move on sexually, then it would be worth seeing a psychosexual counsellor – Techniques in bed can oftentimes achieve more with respect to sexual satisfaction than the size.
My advice is that you should both work hard at not throwing away 18 years of your life together because of entries in a private journal. Get hold of your pride and ego and work things out between you both.