Dear Dorothy,
I have been married for twenty-five years with three kids. The marriage was insisted on by our parents because I got pregnant when we started dating.
I was happier at the beginning of the marriage because I was preoccupied with caring for our kids because my husband wasn’t very attentive and loving towards me. But, the children are now grown and have moved on with their lives and I’m faced with living in a loveless marriage. I feel so disconnected and alone. My husband is emotionally unavailable. He is so caught up in his own life that he has no understanding of my emotional needs.
I’m in my early fifties; I have a lot of self-doubts and my self-confidence is at its lowest. I wish I could summon the courage to end my marriage and make a new life for myself but where will a woman my age find a man to start an emotionally fulfilling relationship with?
I think my husband has always resented that he was coerced to marry me because I got pregnant. Over the years, I had hoped that we would connect at an emotional level, but this has not happened.
Dorothy, what do you advise that I do?
My Dear,
As I see it, you have two options here: you can stay in the marriage and try to fulfil your need for emotional connection with your husband by making him know how you feel and how much it means to you to be emotionally connected with him – two hearts that beat as one and persist in the quest until he gets on the same page with you.
On the other hand, you can seek your emotional balance in other ways (e.g. via close friends, your children – even though they are no longer living with you, or through spirituality via your religious beliefs) and if these do not fill the void for you, you can decide to end your marriage and make a new life for yourself.
It is not true that a woman your age cannot make a fresh start if that is your final decision. There are different reasons too for men your age and older to find themselves single and searching. Whatever their back story is, they also find themselves looking to start over. So, chances are that you can meet someone compatible with whom you can make a fresh romantic start.
You are unhappy with your present situation and desire an emotional connection with your husband, which you are not getting. You are the architect of your happiness and it is left for you to search your heart and do what you feel is best for you.