By Charles O. Anyiam-Osigwe
One of the biggest mistakes that we are prone to make when a relationship goes bad is to begin a new one without pausing to catch our breath and reflect on what happened with the last relationship.
Observing these situations, I ask:
- Are we handicapped by our upbringing, which instills in us that our lives and well-being are dependent on having a sexual relationship?
- Do family and friends consider a woman a failure if she does not have a male companion in her life?
- Do many of us who go through one relationship after another understand what it really means to be truly loved?
The thought of being alone, even for a short space of time, is big issue for most people especially women that they often end up in situations that are not conducive for their emotional and physical well being. When a relationship ends, the best thing to do is to stop and think for a while – to figure out what went wrong. Instead, there is an impulse to have a companion as dictated by norm.
Finding “a man” is not a problem, as men will forever desire the warm, soft caresses of women. But, finding the right man is the issue. So what do you do if you find yourself alone and without a man for a while? Instead of going to out to all manner of social events with the hopes of you finding your Mr. Right, use the time wisely and allow yourself to get over the previous relationship.
The one thing that you need to always bear in mind is that men pick up on desperation; and the more desperate you seem, the greater the possibility of being taken advantage of, and the more difficult and heart-breaking situations you will find yourself in. Therefore, you must take time to discover what makes you tick. You need to re-evaluate what it is you are really searching for. You need to understand what it is that makes it difficult for you to maintain a relationship. Yes, you must examine all your issues and problems and try and figure out how to deal with them.
Springing from one relationship to the next, without giving yourself time to catch your breath is not helpful, as it only keeps you unsettled in mind and spirit. Giving yourself time and space to contemplate allows you to really get to know, and understand yourself, and what you are really seeking for in a relationship. Doing this will then allow you to make better choices for yourself, as you continue to search for your Mr. Right!
Truly knowing yourself and what you really want will act as a compass, a kind of guide to finding your correct Mr. Right and not another Mr. Right Now!