Dating can be sometimes complicated and confusing because of unmet expectations. Do you need help deciding if you really like someone and want to date them long-term? Wouldn’t it be great if you could avoid confusion, complication and drawing things out unnecessarily? These are 5 tips to seek clarity while dating:
1. Keep things private
Don’t talk about your dates with too many people. You need a minimum of one person to talk things out with, and ideally no more than three. Too many cooks spoil the broth – and will end up confusing you. These might be a spiritual figure in your life, a parent, a married friend, or a mentor. Sharing things with all your single friends also makes it difficult. They may not have any more clarity than you do! If you talk to too many people about the person you are dating, it becomes very difficult to have clarity because everyone’s voice will be chiming in your head and your own voice will drown out.
2. Get to know strengths and weaknesses
You only truly know a person well when you can identify the good and the not-so-good about them. Write down five things you like and five things you dislike about the person you’re dating – this can help you decide if there is a real potential for a relationship vs infatuation. People who are infatuated can only see the good in the person they are dating. Being able to see the person as a human with faults is a sign that you are genuinely getting to know them.
3. Own your timing
It’s challenging to have clarity when too much time passes between dates. It’s also hard to have clarity when the date is very long. My rule of thumb is to go no more than five days between dates, spend no more than five hours on each date, and commit to yourself that you will give it two or more dates before saying “No.” Of course, there are exceptions to this – if you need to, you can end things after one date. However, by committing to giving it a few dates before deciding whether or not to continue, you won’t have to spend time after every date weighing the decision – yes or no? This means you will be able to relax more on each date and just be in the moment – without having to analyze everything that happens.
4. Spice it up
Try to see the person in different contexts by doing different activities on each of the five dates. It’s easier to have clarity when you see your date in new situations. Whether it’s winning (or losing!) a game and seeing their reaction, exploring a new place together and seeing how adventurous they are, or overcoming a challenge together that is new to both of you, it can help you get to know each other and decide if you can imagine a future with them.